The Hollow III

Could use your help plz :)

12/11/25

Hello human!

Let’s see how do I set this up right…ummmmmmmm…… could I please have some of your money? I don’t know that’s probably too direct. Maybe I should try to prove why I deserve it first or promise a shiny reward. I don’t know, I think I’m just getting old and tired. I often feel like I’m never working hard enough or giving enough of my self away to thrive. I’ve felt guilty when I have enough to breathe and if you looked through my financial records you’d see the three or four times in my adult life where I was beginning to have a humble savings…I got rid of it as fast as possible. Though there’s some subtle part of me that perhaps perceived the dirtiness of our money I can’t go on living in this guilt trap and what I really need right now in this moment of life is enough bread to take a deep breath (we all do, and we all deserve this).

Over ten years ago now I woke up one morning and wrote a song called “The Hollow”. I had been writing songs for a few years, but this one felt different, like a new dimension of my soul was involved. I had begun to really experience emptiness and depression, to see and feel my own deep sadness and channel it through song. I had so much inner turmoil, such a desire to be heard and loved, and underneath this push-pull some flickering of an inner peace I knew I wanted to share by singing for people. And boy! Did I. My recent instagram post asking for some encouragement was met with a flood of kindness and memories that I had not anticipated and struggle to feel proud of. But I did quit school, make a bunch of soul-music, and drive all around this big country sharing in all kinds of intimate spaces. I miss it, I really do. Somewhere in all that, I wrote and made The Hollow II which was when things began to spiral out of control. My depression and dependency on booze and drugs got really bad…I kept seeking the light and finding ways to bandage over the wounds…determined to keep going. Covid, blessedly, canceled all my plans and it’s really been since then that I’ve had any sense of direction whatsoever (though I have released some amazing scrappy tunes and done a lot of healing). Last year, a month after moving in with my now wife Ella Marie, the “Hollow” portal reopened and I rewrote many of the songs from the first two projects. The slowness I’ve cultivated, the sobriety I’ve maintained, the deep and difficult work I’ve done to get back in touch with my heart all crystallized into what I truly believe is my best writing yet. These songs of despair and brokenness found their full circle into anthems of hope and healing, and songs with the deeper wisdom of what grief gives to us (presence). They are often set to very similar chord progressions and play with the original language of the tunes. Recently in a cannabis assisted therapy session (which I am training right now to facilitate…rad!) I was shown how when we change just a few words of our story we can radically shift our mindset. For example instead of saying “this situation isn’t killing me anymore, but it isn’t letting me live”… I was asked to say out loud “I am not killing myself anymore, but I am not letting myself live”.

Longing for death via suicide is one of the themes of this work, and I am happy to say I have finally found freedom from this long and bitter struggle. Six months ago I walked into a mental health clinic called “Here Tomorrow” because I was having a really intense episode of sanity collapse. I’ve tried to be honest that I’ve struggled in this way (for a long time, probably before I can even remember) and it took that total surrender to begin actually seeing my situation with any clarity. There’s a dozen threads I can tug on…religious trauma, sensitivity in scary times, etc… but they are all simply stories. I’ve learned to rest in the beautiful okayness of the present moment, even when things inside (or outside) seem REALLY not ok. I really, truly want to make this album with great care and patience. I don’t know if anyone will resonate with it, I don’t know if it will will help anyone else in their healing journey (though there’s some beautiful evidence that it might). All I know for sure is that I need to make it, and I really need help. I asked for encouragement for recording because it has been truly one of the most challenging tasks of my life. I dream that someday it will simply be easy and fun, and I’m consciously choosing to practice approaching the process with levity and ease. I remember so long ago in Nashville listening to a Derek Webb (founder of Noisetrade) talk about how as songwriters we should also be developing good businesses and if you have to keep doing kickstarters for every album then you aren’t a true musician. I may be remembering that more harshly than he said it, but for over ten years I’ve flailed and struggled to ever find equilibrium in the “music business”. I had a Patreon for some time but always felt really strange about it. I signed a record deal and that turned out to be huge mistake, thankfully not financially or logistically but the turkey who runs the joint was noooooooot very kind to me hahahahahahahaharerama . I traded the rights to my entire catalogue to a different distributor who promised to make the streaming double (by pressing all the secret buttons and levers) and instead it has shrunk further and further. The industry is so confusing and discouraging and I don’t really care to figure it out anymore. I’m just trying to ask, without caveat or proof that it’s a “sound investment” for some support. What I’d really like is to be able to just sit back and breathe for the next few months, to spend long hours tinkering with sounds and microphones (maybe even be more resourced to hire some help) and to make an album that celebrates my recovery.

I learned on tour many years ago that the word “Corey” actually means “Hollow”. I know now, that my darkness is the perfect canvas for the light to paint, that my emptiness is the perfect space for the song to reverberate. I can’t promise any fancy merch, I can’t in good faith really promise anything except that I am sincerely trying to be a true, humble artist without political or spiritual agendas. I have a few gigs, I’m making rent (barely), I’m surviving…this isn’t an ask for charity. I’m wondering if those who have been really moved by my songs will help move some energy into my corner, that I might get up and really dance. Not for you, not to entertain you, for me… For G*d (if you don’t mind me saying so)….for us. What’s the difference, really? It’s all one song and I’ll keep humming along no matter how this shakes out. Thanks for considering. Peace be with you, forevermore!

Corey Kilgannon :)

Venmo @Corey-Kilgannon Cashapp $Coreykilgannon