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This website has so many words. My feed is full of beautiful opinions. I’m struggling to feel it. Or it all feels irritated with each other or something. I’m scared to share because I don’t really want to be right. I’m trying to love everyone on both sides. I’m failing a lot. Maybe we fail our way into freedom.
i was asked 6 years ago or so to write a song for an album of hope for lgbtqia+ youth of faith. I didn’t consider myself of faith really, or I’d misplaced it for a while. Most of us are probably more gay than we give ourselves credit for, or permission to feel… but still I’m pretty straight tbh. Kinda a buzz kill but it seems true. So I did not feel qualified at all to be a part of it. Who cares. Wah wah wah. The song still came and it is still teaching me and challenging me. Confront gender roles and identities within myself, see where I’m not in flow. Forgive everyone. Love everyone who needs help. It seems like everyone does. This might be unpopular but I actually was feeling so sad for Trump the other night. I was really feeling how scared he must be to die, and that the function of these pesky egos we all have is to protect the wound. With an ego that big, can you imagine the pain…. I’m sad that we can’t all drop the proud act. I dream of a world where we aren’t violent with each other. It starts in the mind and it starts with me. I’m still angry so often. It doesn’t help. Can’t fight fire with fire. We need water. We need the Tao. We need the low places.
Sorry about the airplane flying over. I’m intending to share more long format. I don’t care if it’s for five people. I have this mechanism where I’m silencing myself and not sharing my art and my presence. I’m a coward I guess. Too often. I’m afraid of the powerful angry men. I don’t want to be around them. I am them. It’s my judgement generating the anger. And the planes. We’re so sensitive to sounds. So also it is that I’m just a vibrational sponge living in the jungle of noise.
cannabis, in small prayerful doses, helps me return to the inner silence. It has for years (centuries perhaps). I’m at the end of a six month coaching with cannabis certificate and in our last business meeting yesterday (which was very businessy….. ) he encouraged me to just give everything I do away free with reckless abandon. He said that would create value. I don’t know if I get it but I’ve been dreaming about it for years. Finally permission. If you want to, if it would be useful to you, for us to hang out on zoom and talk about religion, music, song writing? Nature, etc whatever. Maybe, reverently incorporate cannabis in a low dose, listen… become willing to enter the temple of inner space…. I’m here for it. For free! The gospel is good news, and it’s totally and it’s literally free. That means, you don’t have to worry about anything!
I’m still worrying though. I’m not selling a solution. Im scared and I don’t want to be a guru. I don’t want the fame carrot that they (I/we) always dangle. Just a guide through some familiar territory. Just a compassionate listener. Just a creative weirdo who’s fallen in and out of love a million times. At least. Every day. Ride the wave, it’s not a roller coaster… slow it down. Speed is literally the issue.
i tune down to 432 hz. I won’t present you the convincing science and mathematics here. Just Google it please. Or better yet try it. 440 hz is just a little faster than 432. Everything’s a little too fast. If you slow down the mind, it became a a wave. The sound waves help. I’m not a stoner. You can’t escape your problems by using ganja as a crutch. You can, however, commune with her and receive help and healing to stay here. To slow down and be here. With whatever. The anger I guess. Denying it doesn’t do anything. Do you still want to be my friend? I’d like to be yours. I’m proud of you. Just for being you. Been watching a lot of Mister Rogers. One of the only sane, famous Christians to ever live. Hahahahahahahahahaahare Rama Hare Krishna
gotta run,
love,
Corey
